My Mother & I 1990
My Mother & I 1990

I have never said this before, but I will today. My Mother is a lesbian. I love her just as much as I have anyone and I am taking care of her. She is Catholic and a practicing one. I had to watch her go for years not being able to be whom she was truly. Until I told her one day, 20 years ago, “Mom, I am so happy for you. Be who you are. I love you and I love your girlfriend.” She said over the phone, “I am in Providence town today and I am holding another woman’s hand and I am so happy inside. I feel free and this feels right.” I never once turned them away. Her girlfriend died of a drug overdose a few years ago. I was left to pick up her broken heart. I love her no matter what. So to the people who keep bashing me, know that I have cried so many times from your cruel and mean words. I have never bashed anyone, anyone at all about being gay! What I have said is I believe in a Holy God marriage. If you love me and care for me then please, stop. I know what it is to love someone who is gay. Don’t you see?!
To those who think they suffer because of people being mean, I have it coming from both sides, not just my gay Family but from some church people too. I was due to give birth to my son Ryan and she called me from Provincetown, from a payphone to tell me. Automatically, I told her that I was happy for her. She had never even said one word in my entire childhood about being gay, not even once. But, what came naturally to me? “I love you Mom, no matter what. I cannot wait to meet her.” She said, “really?” I said , “yes, Mom, of course.”
It took me a few days to come down from the shock of it. I welcomed her with open arms and her girlfriend. I hugged her girlfriend first to show my Mom that I supported her. I learned that it never will matter what religion someone is, as long as they love all people, it is not for me to judge. Yes, I am a Roman Catholic, yes, I practice my love for the Church. But, why can’t I love God, the Blessed Family and the Church and not have some kind of a stigmata put on me because I love God and the Church? I am only a human being, passing through, just trying to get by like everyone else. I am now being judged because of my religion. That is a hate crime. If you know me, than you know I am not a “religious” person. You know that I love God. My Mother is dying in a nursing home right now as I type this. Why am I saying this now? I am saying it because she never went public with it. She was always so ashamed. No matter how many times I told her to be herself, she could not. Don’t you think that kills me inside?!!! She lived with chains wrapped around her, not being able to be who she is. She once told me, “I am a Catholic. What am I to do?” I told her, “Mom, you keep living life, being honorable to God and to love his children and anyone who comes in your path.” That is what you do.”
When she dies, I want for her to see in the afterlife that even though she could not come out, I came out for her and to tell the world that I am so proud of my Mother and that I love her, no matter what. God chose her to be my Mother.
Would I attend a gay wedding? No, I would not. Not because of the person, but because of my beliefs. But, I will have dinner, hold your hand when you need a friend, I will stick up for you when the world walks away. I will comfort you and I will introduce you to the world as my Friend as my Family member.
To the people who are being cruel because they say that Catholics are the problem, please know that there is an exception to the rule. I am not one of those kind of people and if you only knew how many Catholics are like me, you would see we do not all sit in the same pew.